Short Funny quotes about life | by Mobile Chat Apps

Short Funny quotes about life | by Mobile Chat Apps

Welcome to our site Today we present to you Short Funny quotes about life | by Mobile Chat Apps. Because we know this quotes help to lighten the mood. You can share this with your friends by mobile apps or social sites.

Also read: Traffic Slogans with Humor in English with Text Messages

Short Funny quotes about life | by Mobile Chat Apps

Fun is always entertaining for all. So funny quotes are always popular to all. According to Kurt Vonnegut ‘The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful’. About in this fun Victor Borge also said, ‘Laughter is the shortest distance between two people’. But in our opinion some fun of the most entertaining quotes.

Well, don’t expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.  ― Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay

I don’t know that there are real ghosts and goblins, but there are always more trick-or-treaters than neighborhood kids. —Robert Brault

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. ― Phyllis Diller

My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law. —Jerry Seinfeld

The planet is fine. The people are fucked. ― George Carlin

Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance. —Alcohol

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. ― Mark Twain

How come you never see a headline like “Psychic Wins Lottery? ― Jay Leno

It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on. ― Marilyn Monroe

If con is the opposite of pro, then isn’t Congress the opposite of progress? ―Jon Stewart

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer. Seriously… I’m Kidding ― Ellen DeGeneres,

What are they planting to grow the seedless watermelon? ―Jerry Seinfeld

They love their hair because they’re not smart enough to love something more interesting. ― John Green, Looking for Alaska

At what age do you think it’s appropriate to tell 
a highway it’s adopted? Zach Galifianakis

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. ― Cathy Guisewite

What should you do when 
you see an endangered animal 
eating an endangered plant? George Carlin

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell ‘BINGO’!

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. ― Albert Einstei

A hotel minibar allows you to 
see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2020. ―Comedian Rich Hall

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. ― Winston S. Churchill

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success? ― Jerry Seinfeld

There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it. ― Rodney Dangerfield

My wife said she wanted 
a “fairy-tale romance,” so I’ve locked her in a tower. —@tonycowards

Don’t be so humble – you are not that great. ― Golda Meir

kitchen floor is sticky, and 
I had to do something about it. So finally I went out and bought some slippers. ―Sarah Silverman

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. ― George Carlin

You know it’s time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

A word to the wise is not necessary; it’s the stupid ones who need advice. ― Bill Cosby

Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.

I got my hair highlighted because I thought some strands were more important than others.