Short Funny quotes about life | by Mobile Chat Apps
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Fun is always entertaining for all. So funny quotes are always popular to all. According to Kurt Vonnegut ‘The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful’. About in this fun Victor Borge also said, ‘Laughter is the shortest distance between two people’. But in our opinion some fun of the most entertaining quotes.
Well, don’t expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear. ― Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay
I don’t know that there are real ghosts and goblins, but there are always more trick-or-treaters than neighborhood kids. —Robert Brault
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. ― Phyllis Diller
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law. —Jerry Seinfeld
The planet is fine. The people are fucked. ― George Carlin
Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance. —Alcohol
I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. ― Mark Twain
How come you never see a headline like “Psychic Wins Lottery? ― Jay Leno
It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on. ― Marilyn Monroe
If con is the opposite of pro, then isn’t Congress the opposite of progress? ―Jon Stewart
Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer. Seriously… I’m Kidding ― Ellen DeGeneres,
What are they planting to grow the seedless watermelon? ―Jerry Seinfeld
They love their hair because they’re not smart enough to love something more interesting. ― John Green, Looking for Alaska
At what age do you think it’s appropriate to tell a highway it’s adopted? Zach Galifianakis
Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. ― Cathy Guisewite
What should you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? George Carlin
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell ‘BINGO’!
Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. ― Albert Einstei
A hotel minibar allows you to see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2020. ―Comedian Rich Hall
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. ― Winston S. Churchill
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success? ― Jerry Seinfeld
There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it. ― Rodney Dangerfield
My wife said she wanted a “fairy-tale romance,” so I’ve locked her in a tower. —@tonycowards
Don’t be so humble – you are not that great. ― Golda Meir
kitchen floor is sticky, and I had to do something about it. So finally I went out and bought some slippers. ―Sarah Silverman
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. ― George Carlin
You know it’s time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.
A word to the wise is not necessary; it’s the stupid ones who need advice. ― Bill Cosby
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
I got my hair highlighted because I thought some strands were more important than others.